If only…

April 10, 2007 at 1:40 pm (Ministry and Life)

If only I could leave today.  If there was ever a case for work place bullying, this is it.

5 more days.

hopefully i won’t take someone’s head off by then.

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Leaving Professional Ministry-how I feel.

April 4, 2007 at 3:21 pm (Ministry and Life)

After 10  years of planning to go into professional ministry, training for professional ministry, or working in professional ministry, it is very odd to know that I am leaving that behind for awhile, if not forever.

I am sad.  I love the relationships I get to make with kids.  I have made so many close relationships with kids at my current parish, it is going to be hard to walk away from that.  I love to tell kids about Jesus, and the good news of our Savior.

I am angry.  At God mostly.  and I know it is ok for me to say that.  But I thought this is what I was supposed to do, what I was called to do, what God wanted me to do.  But both of my jobs in professional ministry have been hard.  really hard.  Where i didn’t feel good about myself hard.  where i had to go on anti-depressants hard.  and it makes me mad, because if this is what I was called to, shouldn’t it be easier than this?  where is God on my side in all of this?

I am excited though too.  I am looking forward to just being a regular church member, and a volunteer.  I am looking forward to expressing my views without thinking that they are a reflection of where I work.  I am looking forward to not living in a fishbowl.  To not looking over my shoulder 10 times when i go into a liquor store.  I am looking forward to just being ok with me.  I am excited to have time to pursue my interests, and I am excited not to work an average of 50-60 hours a week.

I know there is a plan in all of this.  and probably in hindsight, it won’t look as bad as it does right now.  but it is hard to be at this crossroads with all these conflicting emotions.  I know that I need to take this time.  and I am thankful I  can take this time, and this risk to feel good about me again.

peace be with you, and hopefully it finds me!

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Disappointment

January 9, 2007 at 12:27 pm (Ministry and Life)

So, no one showed up to my young adult event last night.  I have to say, I am pretty disappointed.  I am still trying to figure out what the trick is!  I would have been happy if there was just a few, but there was none.  what a bummer!

Today is actually a normal day for me.  I get to go home at a normal time.  I am going to attempt to do my laundry and dishes tonight.  I am out of clean socks!  So, if you are bored and looking for something to do, come over and clean with me.  it will be fun, i promise.

 Had a great visit with my friend the bride yesterday.  She and her new hubby have bought all kinds of new furniture to go into their new home.  So, she told me i can have first dibs on any of the old stuff.  sweet! I definately need some more storage!  bookshelves!

Happy tuesday everyone, my stomach is grumbling, so it is time to get some food!

Peace!

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14 hours

January 8, 2007 at 12:48 pm (Ministry and Life)

Yes, that is the amount of time I worked yesterday.  straight.  in the church for 14 hours.  I was ready to drop over dead.

 Fundraiser was fun.  I have great volunteers.  everytime I tried to do something they did it for me, so I ended up visiting with a lot of people which was good.  we did not make as much money as i had hoped, but that is ok.

 the concert was amazing. I love captive free.  they always do a great job, and they were seeking out my youth left and right to talk to them.  it was great.

I am tired.  I did go into work an hour late today, but now i am freaking out about getting everything done for tonight, which is our first young adult event.

Hopefully i can get my house clean sometime this week.  Maybe tomorrow night?  only night this week that I don’t have a meeting, so there is a good chance.

 Pray for my exhaustion!

Peace!

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The insanity of it all

November 22, 2006 at 12:11 pm (Ministry and Life)

So yesterday, it was about 4 ish, i was in my office doing some reading, and all of a sudden i hear familiar voices outside.  4 of my craziest 8th grade boys came to see me. oy.  Ok, so i think the other staff was a little annoyed, because we were really loud, (they are 8th grade boys) but i was really excited they came to hang out!  now, i just need to get some stuff in my office to keep them occupied so they will stop asking if they can photocopy their butts on my office copier.  Oh boys!

I then left work a little early to do some out of the office ministry, and went and watched my 7th grade girls play basketball.  It was fun.  When i walked in a couple of the girls yelled my name and waved, and when the teams switched to start game 2, the girls on the other team called me over to talk to them.  I felt wanted and loved!  yeah!!!

 So, again, I feel like God is showing me that I am really, truly good at my job, and I need to rise above the staff insanity that is plauging me right now.

 Tomorrow is Thanksgiving!  I am so excited!   I am totally forgetting weight watchers exists for one day and I am going to put away food like none other.  and then maybe go for a walk…it is beautiful here, and I am having a hard time remembering it is November, since it is like 60 degrees outside!  I love it!

 I got 2 more Christmas gifts out of the way.  I have spent less than $70 and I am almost done.  I am pretty thrilled with that!  yeah ebay!

 and an aww moment for you, I had this text from the boyfriend last night: “Thinking of u and thankful 4 u.”  Yep, he wins the good boyfriend award for the day!  He doesn’t do stuff like that super often, so I have to brag about it when he does.  I am a lucky woman.

Ok, i have to go home and start getting stuff together to head to my mom’s.  Still haven’t 100% decided that i am going home tonight!  I want to, but i also would like to sleep in my bed.

Happy, Happy Thanksgiving to you all!

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Great is thy Faithfullness

November 20, 2006 at 12:29 pm (Ministry and Life)

So, this morning, for some reason i had the hymn, great is thy faithfullness in my head.  and i was wondering why, since it has been such a cruddy week.  then i got a phone call…

 a woman in my church has offered to pay the full cost for a specific student to go on the mission trip this summer.  HOW COOL IS THAT!!!!!!  this isn’t a student who is very active, but she really wants him to be able to go.  I seriously just sat in my chair and praised God for a minute once i got off the phone.

Ministry is going great…any way i can get rid of the rest of the people i work with?  ok, kidding.  well, probably not really, but, you know what i mean.  I did have a great talk with a member of the church council, who knows everything, and he told me that he would stand up for me and speak up for me.  I really appreciated that.

overall the weekend was busy.  and today is busy, as I probably won’t get home til after 9 from church stuff, and then some friends and I are getting together after that.  whoa buddy.  I am so excited to sleep in on Friday…

It will be good to be home this weekend.  and i think i am bringing my cats with me.  I have been gone so much lately, and they are lonely.  at least it is only an hr and a half drive!

Peace!

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Ok God, what are you doing?

November 17, 2006 at 7:33 pm (Ministry and Life)

The above was the question I asked myself last night.  As you have probably read below, yesterday was not a good day and left me questioning my call to youth ministry.  But then i had yesterday afternoon/evening…and there was amazing ministry time.  For example

  • I took out a sophomore for coffee, and we had great conversation
  • I got back to my office and had 3 kids instant messaging me
  • I went to the High School Musical and had parents and kids approach me to talk to me.  I felt wanted and liked.  The kids that were in the show were so glad I was there.
  • I had another family (yep, that makes 2) who invited me for Thanksgiving, even though my family lives less than 2 hours away.  my family lived 7 hours away from where i lived before, and i never had that many invitations.

So, i am confused, so if you could throw up a prayer for me that would be great.  I am fortunate to have great friends, one of whom I am going to try to get together with this afternoon to chat.

 I also have a great mom who has said if i need to, i can always come home.  thanks mom, you really are the greatest.  and i have a great boyfriend who is supporting me too.  and a great mentor who is talking me through it all.

 I am glad to have this new blog.  I am glad I am healthy.  I am glad i am surrounded by people who love me.

 Ok, my time is up at the library computer.  I better head out.  st

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