Leaving Professional Ministry-how I feel.

April 4, 2007 at 3:21 pm (Ministry and Life)

After 10  years of planning to go into professional ministry, training for professional ministry, or working in professional ministry, it is very odd to know that I am leaving that behind for awhile, if not forever.

I am sad.  I love the relationships I get to make with kids.  I have made so many close relationships with kids at my current parish, it is going to be hard to walk away from that.  I love to tell kids about Jesus, and the good news of our Savior.

I am angry.  At God mostly.  and I know it is ok for me to say that.  But I thought this is what I was supposed to do, what I was called to do, what God wanted me to do.  But both of my jobs in professional ministry have been hard.  really hard.  Where i didn’t feel good about myself hard.  where i had to go on anti-depressants hard.  and it makes me mad, because if this is what I was called to, shouldn’t it be easier than this?  where is God on my side in all of this?

I am excited though too.  I am looking forward to just being a regular church member, and a volunteer.  I am looking forward to expressing my views without thinking that they are a reflection of where I work.  I am looking forward to not living in a fishbowl.  To not looking over my shoulder 10 times when i go into a liquor store.  I am looking forward to just being ok with me.  I am excited to have time to pursue my interests, and I am excited not to work an average of 50-60 hours a week.

I know there is a plan in all of this.  and probably in hindsight, it won’t look as bad as it does right now.  but it is hard to be at this crossroads with all these conflicting emotions.  I know that I need to take this time.  and I am thankful I  can take this time, and this risk to feel good about me again.

peace be with you, and hopefully it finds me!

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1 Comment

  1. After the Pulpit said,

    And peace be with you! I’m hoping you are well and that your transition out of ministry has been a success. I had to laugh, sorry, about the liquor store line! In one of my calls in a small town I was always looking over my shoulder. On my day off we’d drive to the city (small city) to buy beer and wine in peace!

    I too am transitioning out of the pulpit and seeking inspiration from those who have gone before me. Thanks for posting and sharing so deeply of your experience. Again, hope all is well.

    Peter

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